It's been a while since my last post, I have never been too good at following through on things and this blog is no exception. But just wanted to update you on how we're getting a long and what has been happening since last I wrote.
My oldest daughter Rachel got married this year to a boy she has loved since she was first in high school, I wish I could tell you the date but keeping up with my own anniversary is more than enough for me. I know my wife said yesterday that it was seven months so I will take her word for it and go on. Rachel seems very happy and is doing well at work. I always knew she would be successful and being happy meets all my expectations.
My middle child Leah is still trying to figure out what she wants to be. The choices at this time are, soccer player, actress, super model, with a side of musician and singer on the side. I am sure whatever she decides to become she will make us proud, and hopefully be able to carry her half of the burden of supporting me through my golden years.
Leah is a junior in High School, which means I am getting old. My wife and children always fuss when I say I am getting old but there is no way to argue with the truth, and I wouldn't want to anyway. Being older has its perks. When you are old you can sit down when you feel like it and say what's on your mind no matter who agrees or likes it.
You can also stare at pretty women as long as you want to and they will never feel threatened, after all if worse comes to worse they feel pretty sure they can outrun you, even in four inch heels and a dress.
Waking up each morning one day older also brings with it the knowledge that you are one day closer to our ultimate goal. Don't get me wrong I am not suicidal or anything, I am as afraid of death as the next person but I know it is inevitable so I don't live my life in constant dread and worry. All this may change someday if a doctor brings me bad news but for now I stoically await the next chapter of my existence.
The one thing that perplexes me to no end is how I continue to age while my wife remains the same. She's as lovely today as she was almost 30 years ago when she took my breath away coming down the aisle at Huffman Baptist church. She says that I am looking through the eyes of love and my response is always, so what, I don't think a woman should have the right to argue with her husband on matters such as this. Your mirror will lie to you but your husband, if he is a good one, never will. See yourself through his eyes only, and your life will go well.
Now to the last member of our family, the one who is no longer with us, our beloved Joel. He is beginning his fourth year in heaven today and I feel quite sure he has already made a name for himself up there. I can only hope he has some idea how much he is missed down here. Every time I hear an engine roar to life I have to roll the window down and listen for a minute, I know that's what he would want me to do.
If I could have one wish this year I know what it would be. Not for gold or riches, not for health or fame, my one wish would be to spend five minutes with my son. I know some things that weigh on me that I would like to make sure he knows.
1. You know that plastic wallet you gave me when you were ten, I wish I had put it in my pocket and carried it for a while. I thought putting it in my briefcase to hold receipts would suffice but I could tell by the look on your face I was wrong.
2. That last day before you died when you asked me to go to the woods with you to shoot Zack's new gun, I wish I would have gone, what a sweet memory that would be.
3. That time you wanted me to meet you at the restaurant to meet the Christian motorcycle club and I told you I was too tired to go. I would give anything to change that memory.
Those are just three of the regrets I carry around with me, there are many others I am sure you can't recall but I remember every one. For everything I did with you and for you in your nineteen years with us, there are at least twenty that grief reminds me of where I let you down.
I might say those things to you but then again I am pretty sure they wouldn't come up, cause I am sure you would grin that big grin of yours, engulf me in your arms, and laugh when I can no longer reach the ground and no longer draw a breath.
If I could hug you for just five minutes a year, I think I could make it through all these other things.
There is a quote I heard one time that expresses my feelings.
"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone" Harriet Beecher Stowe.
I have lived this quote for three years now, they have been my constant companion.
Until the next time, all my love.
Pops
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