Been thinking lately about what I've learned over the last three years.

The number one thing I've learned is that none of us really knows as much as we think we do about God. If we did we would do a much better job of allowing God to draw us together rather than driving us apart.

I mean why should my understanding and opinion of what the Bible says be superior to my neighbors who don't happen to agree with me. I mean really each of us has come to embrace our view of God which was shaped largely by:

1. Where we were born

2. Who our parents were and what they believed.

3. The societal opinions of the day.

I saw an Archbishop of the Catholic church the other night on 60 minutes and I really enjoyed hearing his take on a lot of things but then he said that there are some absolutes that are not open for debate:

1. Abortion

2. Ordination of women in the Church

3. Celibacy of the priesthood

I'll be honest with you and say that I agree with the first one wholeheartedly, but I think the last two are opinions that are open for debate. I mean if celibacy of the priesthood is such an absolute why was it not the belief from the very beginning instead of coming later on in response to priest and other men of the cloth leaving church property to their heirs.

I am an ordained Baptist deacon and I can tell you from experience that there is nothing that will make believers circle the wagons quite as quickly as messing with their money. I have a feeling it is probably the same with the Catholics, the Methodist and even the pagans down the street.

So why am I rambling on about all of this religious stuff in a blog that is at it's core an exercise for dealing with the loss of my son.

It's because there is no part of my life that was as deeply affected as my relationship with God and fellow "Christians".

One lady upon meeting with my wife not long after our son's death had the following burning question to ask, "Did he know Jesus?". I mean how can you answer a question like that one for someone else, I cannot tell you with absolute certainty that I "know Jesus". I am trying to, and I want to more than anything, but have I succeeded in "knowing him" in an intimate way, I am not sure. You see there is a lot of things that get in my way. Things like:

1. My preconceived notion of what Jesus expects of me as communicated to me by my family while growing up (interestingly enough they no longer believe everything they told me to believe for all of those years).

2. The contradictory communication coming from everyone who professes to know exactly what knowing Jesus is supposed to mean.

So let me answer the ladies question once and for all about my son, and hopefully about myself as well, for I don't think the question was worded correctly. The question should never be whether or not I know Jesus, the real question should be, does Jesus know me.

I can answer that question for my son, Jesus knew him, and I think Jesus loved what he knew about Joel. That doesn't mean Joel was perfect, he wasn't. In fact I would venture to bet that Joel is right at home up in Heaven with the likes of Peter, and David, and if I do say so myself Peter and David are lucky for their association with him.