What a Difference a Year Makes

Today is March 2nd and one year ago, unbeknownst to me I had only 19 more days with my son. How different those 19 days would have been had he and I only known.

There were disagreements during those 29 days, some of which escalated much farther than they should have. I spent very little time with him, and he spent very little time with me. It didn’t seem to matter to either of us then that our time together was limited, after all we had the rest of our lives to be together. We just didn’t know how short the rest of our lives really was.

Did I hurt his feelings during those last few days? I’m sure I did.

Did I ignore his needs during those last few days? As much as always.

Did I take the time to tell him how very special he was? Not nearly enough I am sure.

So how much have things really changed over the last year?

Do I still hurt my loved ones feelings? More often than I should.

Do I ignore my loved ones needs? More often than I know.

Do I take the time to tell them how special they are to me? Not nearly enough.

I realize that I am better than I was but still a long way from being as good as I should be.

But one thing has definitely changed. I no longer live in the blissful ignorance of believing in something called “the rest of my life’. I am painfully aware that the breath I just took is all there really is of the rest of my life. Each intake of breath begins life anew. There is no way to make up for how I misspent my last breath of life, I can only look forward to how I am going to spend the next one, and the one after that.

This is the lesson I learned from my son. And the glorious hope is that when all of my next breaths here on Earth are ended, he and I can take back up where we left off and begin anew in a place where we can really explore something called “the rest of our lives”.