Grief is a dark, dark place to live; made worse by the fact that for a time you must live there all alone. Even those around you who began their life in the habit of grief at the same time as you, can bring only a measure of comfort. Though the event that brought each of you into griefs dark domain is the same, the place it moves you into is as unique as God's fingerprint reflected through the DNA of your heart.
Before March 21st of last year my life was filled with light, my wife, my three children. Four bright lights placed in my life by the father of light in Heaven. Then in one brief instant darkness came upon me through the loss of one light. Only one fourth of the light was extinguished but all of the world went dark.
I cannot explain how the loss of one light can bring such total darkness. Each of the remaining lights have been dimmed by their own habitat of grief but they have not gone completely out. They each shine on me as they always have, and they each do their best to bring light back to my world, as I do my best to shine light into theirs, but the darkness remains.
Grief, it seems, defies the laws of the physical universe. In the physical universe light can never be defeated by the darkness; one small candle shines into every corner of a darkened room exposing everthing in its path. But in griefs distorted universe you find yourself constantly groping through the darkness even when surrounded by a multitude of lights.
The only conclusion I have drawn is that grief creates a universe clouded by an illusion. Just as an illusionist make us see things that our minds tell us cannot be there, the illusion of grief causes us to see total darkness in a lighted room. The only way to see the illusionist trick is for the illusionist himself to reveal it to you. Once revealed the illusion can never again hold power over you.
Grief's illusionist will never reveal his secrets to us, but there is one greater than he, that know's all the illusion's secrets, he will reveal them to us when we are ready to see them, not just desiring to see them but truly ready.
All we can do is pray for strength to hold on until that day, that day of glorious light, when darkness returns to its rightful place in our world once more.
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ReplyDeleteI doubt you remember me, but I went to Roebuck Park with Joel back in elementary. My name is Mary Prosser.
ReplyDeleteI can't begin to tell you how this has all affected me. I can still remember the night I found out. One of the other kids we went to school with sent a message out to us all on Myspace. I was in complete shock. All I could think of was that I'd missed my chance to really get to know Joel when I'd found him on Facebook just maybe a year or so before. We messaged a few times, he shared with me the struggles he'd been through over the years, and he gave me his number so we could talk and catch up some more. I guess you could say my shyness won me over. I did not call him, and we didn't message anymore after that. I can't tell you how much I regret not talking to him more. Especially when hearing so many stories at his funeral of how special he was.
I wanted to speak to you and your wife after the funeral service, just so you would both know that someone from years back remembered and came. But we had to get get back across town to church, and I could see you were with your loved ones, so my father and I slipped off to our truck.
I really just want you to know that you and your family have been in my prayers, as the other families also, ever since that day.
And I cannot begin to tell you how touched I was at the funeral, when in all the grief, you and your family raised your hands to God in worship. I know it touched so many people that day, who, more than likely, had never seen such faith put into action. I personally would like you to know how much that witness is appreciated. I know Joel would have been so glad to see that.
I certainly cannot understand what you're going through, but I do know that we have a God that is sovereign. And one day all our tears will be wiped away. And it will be glorious.
You will always be in my prayers.
I want you to know that yall have been in my prayers and will continue to be in my prayers. I do not comprehend your grief, but I know it is greatly there. I also know that God is in control and will bring all things to His glory and the goodness of His People. I hope you and your family, and all of those close to Joel, can continue to move past this tragedy with the hope of Christ. Thank yall for your faith and service,
ReplyDeleteRyan Hampton